KayYip的中文、普通話、日語、手工橡皮印章的天地

last week, I had hair cut, thought was a big change,but no one noticed the change,even in photo, not much changing showed. On halloween, I was thinking to go pub at night, in hk, had several streets, people would wear costume, however, I had private tuition until 9:00, was tired, and even went to, no one would join, no friends celebrated halloween.Most ppl didnt look this as important festival. And was very fair to go through the day. But in the morning,I gave and received chocolate candy, among them had a 90% coco chocolate, really bitter, didnt like it, and threw half.

This Sat, went to japanese speaking club, I got huge progress, as could speak a little with japanese. Something like I went to japan,from tokyo to kyoto, friend drove me by car, climbed up hill in kyoto. I was really excited when talking finally. Most of the time during prrvious meeting, I was sitting quietly, just hope the teacher didnt ask me, as I was not sure if I could answer probably or understood the question correctly. Afraid of speaking weirdly. And it was very embarrassed, that some teachers really ignored me, for example, only ask from no.1 student to no.4, skip me if I was no.5. But every time I told myself, nevermind, this was the process, sometimes I was really scared to go again, had to think a long time to go. I know this struggle is not going to be end at least this year. However, if not going, it would be a big loss. 

I know it the best, because this is not my first time to join similar meeting .When I was in university, had a speaking meeting with free food every weekend, you could have dinner for free, that was subsidized by university, but every people had to speak mandarin. I was really bad in mandarin that time, and super nervious, so all meeting kept silence, until the end. on the good side was, I had a lot of free dinner. Until I joined an exchange programme to mainland china around 2 months, my mandarin was good after that. So I understand the chance will go away easily and will not come again, as in this society, no free lunch mostly .The speaking club is held by japanese, thats why it is for free. If hk people, they wouldnt help u for free. Even in another speaking meeting, in a group had hk ppl, they saw my japanese was low level, they just ignored me and only talked to ppl with good japnanese,very reality. That's why I promised myself would help others' japanese if i become high level. At first I learn japanese because I think know more languages is a cool thing, now still think so, but this will not be only reason now. I want to have more experience with this language, means communicate with japanese and maybe go to japan and stay for while or has others possibility. I know my vision is very narrow, and if I am stronger, have more skill, could do more and even help some ppl. Also, I would look myself a little different,for example, I could overcome a lot of problem and have such motivation to do what I want. 

And actually, I had a lot of lonely time, japanese helped me going through that, changed into a lot of enjoyable time, even I just read grammer book, was very happy with new knowledge. If no such language, I could be just waste the time watching tv, at last, nothing left......

After friend's wedding, I have more time now, just quite tired. I want to sleep, but couldnt.I am still happy with my situation. But I am feeling myself changing. I am waiting for something that I couldnt get. The feeling is annoying. It is not about marriage, marriage is not difficult, not a must. It is not language, not too difficult, someday I will get it. Maybe it is about time, space, person...  

It is my first time to be bridemaid, everything is new to me.

In HK is mixed up with Chinese and Western style, our wedding is mixed up too, become complicated.

Although I joined the wedding preparation meeting, but still dont understand all the procedure well.

The procedure is:

We have to arrive bride's home at 6:00am.Then, the make up artist will help us setting hair style and having make up. After 2 hr, groom and bestmans will come to bride's home, we will play game. After an hour, groom and bride have to knee down and give tea to 30 guests(their relatives)(bridemaid help to pour and wash cups),the relatives will give her gold bracelets(bridemaid has to keep this for bride). Then, bride should go out to have a walk, that will bring good luck to her(chinese traditional thing).  Then all people go to church, bridemaids become security guards, help to keep guest safe and everything in order.Also, we need to decorate the church. After ceremony, we will go to hotel, preparing for night dinner(hotel has chinese restaruant), chinese style again. We decorate again. And I will be at counter, help guest find their seats, let them sign on guestbooks...Until 11pm will be end.

These few months, I tried somthing that didnt expect before.

1. Slept over

I slept over in my secondary classmate's home twice(2 home). On Mid-Autumn festival, I went to a friend of my friend's home, we celebrated the festival, played card game, chatting. As I am single, most of them was with someone, they wanted to introduce guys to me, and asked me what did I think of some single guys there, and what are my preference. 10 people looked at me and waited my answer. I felt embrassed. Of course, I wanted to make new friends or boyfriend there. But I didnt expect they asked directly. Actually, I am not so in a hurry to have boyfriend or get marry. Because single is good and I get used to single. At that time, I just said, I was not in a hurry. And I dont think it is so easy to tell what my preference is, and I couldnt say if I like any guys there(in front of those guys faces, telling that I dislike or like because......? so impolite) I didnt familiar with most of the people there, hard to say that. About preference, people is complicated, I couldnt say I will be with the guy because he is polite,hardworking,XXX. It is hard to tell, if one day , I meet a guy who is polite and hardworking, but probably, I would not like him. Why? Human is a whole thing, the whole thing is consisting of  a lot of characters.So I kept quiet, hesitating. They said I am so quiet, I need someone who is talkative. I said I didnt agree, as I met some talkative guys, but didnt like. So I like quiet person? No. Some guys I didnt think I would like before, but get along for a period, I have feeling.

My thought change time to time. In the past, I didnt accept guy has more than 1 girl friend. But now I think maybe I could accept.( But for fair reason, I would have more than 1 boyfriend too). Of course, I need to feel that the guy still love me, treat me good. This is just a thinking, maybe if my boyfriend has 2, I will be heartbreaking? I dont know. (If I tell my girlfriend, they will feel I am so strange.) That's why, I couldnt say what is a must. I just will decide when something happening, not before. And of course, I dont like hurting anybody. Still because I think a lot, that's why, even something I think I could do before, but didnt do afterall.   

After meeting, it was late, so I followed my friend to her home, she lived with her family. It made me felt I was back to be teenager. When I studied, I went to her home all the time. After I was moving to another district, I seldom did that.

Last night, had been to a piano and orchestra concert, since I worked all day and joined the concert at night, tired to fell asleep sometimes...The concert was good, all the performers were hong kong people, they are young. One performer had piano solo, who is a talent pianist, he recorded CD when was 11years old,showed on TV, now is 25years old. He said music is his life, because of  music, he found himself. I think he has a satisfaction life.

I had a lot of activities every week, as I believe that time should not be wasted, and learning could create a better life. Now, I learn playing piano,dancing, reading, languages(Japanese,Korean)...But sometimes think that, I just like them, but seldom use, e.g. Japanese, Korean...why should I learn them?I dont know.Should I just focus on one thing, and become professionl? It is hard for me to give up one of them, and hard to make decision.

Today morning,met a  neighbour in front of lift, she was worried about her daughter, as she took public exam, the result was fair, she got 2 offers,but those were not famous universities and departments. The mom asked me if I were her daughter, what would I do? I think a second, and said, I would retake the exam next year, try to use the result to get into a better university, as when you could not decide which offer should be taked, that means you dont like niether of them.

I think, when problem is on the other people, I could make decision quickly...

I like to be laid back usually. Because the first 2 years of working period was very busy, that's why I decided to have balance life. It means I need to leave work after working hour. But these few years, seems could not. This year, I am working as editor, it is very very busy during working hour, and after full time work, still have part-time tuitions almost every day. Therefore, my TV watching are cutting. Even dinner should be delaied after 9:00pm. I feel tired and accumulate the tirement, I fell asleep all day in Sat., only Sat is my full time day off. Sun, I have tuition for 3 hrs. 

Though busy, but I am enjoying. I like editing, my company gave me a lot of chance to write texts and editing. However, the rule of the company is a chaos. We have to change texts all the time and it is not change in a good way, we followed stupid boss order to change. I resigned last week, but company wanted me to stay and promised the chaos will be solved. I will keep watching. It is ironic, I want to be stable, but could not accept such chaos.

Tuitions part, I had pressure sometimes. For example, how could I teach some useful methods to students, how could make them improve before exam. I dont like to teach only for exam, but if I want to keep them, I have to serve this part first. One students had the first test after my teaching, luckily, her mark is improved. I feel happy, not for the marks, but it means I could keep teaching her, it is the real helping that I could teach for longer time to make their Chinese more 'solid', long lasting. I feel that now her marks improving is just by luck. If I could not make their marks improve, then I will not have chance to teach them real Chinese and increase their interest.

(ENG version)

在夜燈籠罩的房間裏,只聽見小風扇的滋滋聲,廳都熄了燈,家人相信已在甜夢中。在沉悶的工作中,我倦透了,肩膀硬實的,隱隱作痛,實在受不了,視線漸漸聚焦在旁邊的小窗,在玻璃上看到自己朦朧的倒影,仿佛上不了天堂,下不地獄的冤魂,幽幽的等待鬼差來勾魂。我定了定神,再看看窗外,燈火仍然通明,多少的幽靈在伴着我呢! 想起遙遠的往事,那時年紀小,也像現在一樣,只是換了挑燈「夜讀」,疲倦的當兒,又會開小差,想想在冰冷孤寂的夜裏,怎麼不去軟軟的床上,一覺睡去呢？在這無盡的夜裏,犧牲了精神與健康,有什麼回報呢？念頭一轉,想起家人常說︰「讀書好,將來就沒那麼辛苦。」「沒那麼辛苦」在腦裏不斷迴響,這句話起了嗎啡的作用,遏抑了心靈的寂寞,我暗暗許諾,只要過了這些學習的難關,以後就不用再這麼辛苦,於是我提起書本,捏着大腿,又讀起書來。現在長大了,經驗和智慧也豐富了,才明白那一句,我誤解了,「沒那麼」就是仍然辛苦,但比較不苦罷了。在風雨中,一個大浪過後,接着又會有一個大浪蓋過來吧？領悟了那句話後,我感覺就是給無數個大浪在頭上蓋下來了,渾身都寒透了,我拼命地游,可是卻永遠到不了對岸。

(I used google translation, to translate my Chinese writing,surprisingly, it could translate most of my meaning correctly)

Shrouded in night light in the room , only to hear a small fan sizzle , hall have turned out the light , the family believed to have been in the sweet dream . In the boring work, I tired enough, shoulder real hard , aching , can not stand , sight gradually focused on the small window next to the glass to see my dim reflection , as if couldnt go into heaven,nor hell , waiting for the ghost catcher . I made ​​an effort , and then look out the window , the lights are still brightly lit , the number of ghost accompanied me ! Remembered in the  past , when young, but also like now , only a change took place in the " study " when tired ,I think about the cold lonely night, why not go to soft bed, take a sleep? In this endless night, at the expense of mental and health, is  there anything in return? The idea of ​​a turn , my family often say ︰ "Studying is good, the future will be not so hard ." " Not so hard " continue to echo in the brain , this sentence Morphine played the role of non- curb the loneliness of the soul , I secretly promised , as long as over these learning difficulties, the future will not be so hard, so I took up book, pinching thigh , and began to read the book to . Now grown up, but also enriched the experience and wisdom , now I would understand that one , I misunderstood , " not so " is still hard, but nothing is less bitter . In the rain , after a big wave , then they will be overshadowed by a big wave come ? Comprehend that sentence , I feel is to give numerous big waves on the head cover down , the whole body cold enough, I tried to swim , but never get to the other side.

I read a book today, called'through grassXX'(I forgot the english name).

It told us about the difference between languages. For example, in some languages, they dont distinguish the words"arm' and 'hand', therefore, they dont have the word 'arm', so 'hand' represents 'hand and arm'.(In chinese, we have both words)

The other example is the front of neck and the back of neck, some languages has 2 different words to distinguish them, but english will just call neck, dont divide that.(In chinese, we dont divide front and back,the word 頸means whole neck)

The most interesting thing is a language that doesnt have the concept left and right and front and behind. They substitutes them by east, south, west, north. For example, we usually say the car is on your right hand side; but for that language, they will say the car is on the north. It means the people they could recognise the 4 directions anytime even without compass. How do this effect thinking? They know directions, so they have the sense of directions. And even could notice something that we couldnt. I want to describe a test in the book, it proved our thinking are different, but it is with pictures, very difficult to explain. The result of the test told us our thinking is different from them.

It also said naturally people recognised the 4 directions first, almost 11years old could recognise the concept of left and right. For me, it is true, I remember it very deeply, as I always blame myself that I was too late to recognise the left and right, I was tested in primary school with it in maths, but I didnt understand, until in secondary school. I am sure that I couldnt learn the 4 directions people's language, it is really hard to know 4 directions correctly. Those people could recognise 4 directions by the hint of sun positon, the shadow of tree, the ant's movement,etc.

I am using lang-8 to push myself writing Japanese more, it is quite good that many webmates corrected my writing, gave me many suggestions. 

Now, I could remember some words and sentences, and sure that I really know that. If I didnt use, I would think, it is a simple sentence, of course I knew. But when I use it, it could be wrong.

So lang-8 test me if I really know.

After 1 month practicing, I found a problem, which is I used many simple sentences,avoid difficult sentence structures, it is no good to improve myself.Then, I start to make a sentence structure banks for myself, I type different sentences in computer, with chinese translation. When I dont know how to express my meaning, I search with Chinese, and find the sentence structure in Japanese. I want something that is reliable, not search on google, so I type those things from a big dictionary. It is really a hard work, my target is 850 pages, every pages will have 3 sentence structures, so total would be more than 2000 sentence structures I have to type into computer. I started from 3 days before, and now I feel my waist is painful. I am just typing in index in excel, so I could search index in computer and look up the dictionary, it will take me 5 days to finish the index. Step by step, I hope in the future, I would type in sentences, therefore, I could search and see the sentence immediately in computer.

I heard that if in Japanese learning school in HK, to learn Japanese until a good level,eg. like the level of secondary student, that have no problem on writing, speaking,etc, it will take 8 years! It meant a learner should pay the school for 8 years to finish all courses. From my point of view, if you need not to learn very good, learn for work or further study, 8 years are too long..