KayYip的中文、普通話、日語、手工橡皮印章的天地

last week, I had hair cut, thought was a big change,but no one noticed the change,even in photo, not much changing showed. On halloween, I was thinking to go pub at night, in hk, had several streets, people would wear costume, however, I had private tuition until 9:00, was tired, and even went to, no one would join, no friends celebrated halloween.Most ppl didnt look this as important festival. And was very fair to go through the day. But in the morning,I gave and received chocolate candy, among them had a 90% coco chocolate, really bitter, didnt like it, and threw half.

This Sat, went to japanese speaking club, I got huge progress, as could speak a little with japanese. Something like I went to japan,from tokyo to kyoto, friend drove me by car, climbed up hill in kyoto. I was really excited when talking finally. Most of the time during prrvious meeting, I was sitting quietly, just hope the teacher didnt ask me, as I was not sure if I could answer probably or understood the question correctly. Afraid of speaking weirdly. And it was very embarrassed, that some teachers really ignored me, for example, only ask from no.1 student to no.4, skip me if I was no.5. But every time I told myself, nevermind, this was the process, sometimes I was really scared to go again, had to think a long time to go. I know this struggle is not going to be end at least this year. However, if not going, it would be a big loss. 

I know it the best, because this is not my first time to join similar meeting .When I was in university, had a speaking meeting with free food every weekend, you could have dinner for free, that was subsidized by university, but every people had to speak mandarin. I was really bad in mandarin that time, and super nervious, so all meeting kept silence, until the end. on the good side was, I had a lot of free dinner. Until I joined an exchange programme to mainland china around 2 months, my mandarin was good after that. So I understand the chance will go away easily and will not come again, as in this society, no free lunch mostly .The speaking club is held by japanese, thats why it is for free. If hk people, they wouldnt help u for free. Even in another speaking meeting, in a group had hk ppl, they saw my japanese was low level, they just ignored me and only talked to ppl with good japnanese,very reality. That's why I promised myself would help others' japanese if i become high level. At first I learn japanese because I think know more languages is a cool thing, now still think so, but this will not be only reason now. I want to have more experience with this language, means communicate with japanese and maybe go to japan and stay for while or has others possibility. I know my vision is very narrow, and if I am stronger, have more skill, could do more and even help some ppl. Also, I would look myself a little different,for example, I could overcome a lot of problem and have such motivation to do what I want. 

And actually, I had a lot of lonely time, japanese helped me going through that, changed into a lot of enjoyable time, even I just read grammer book, was very happy with new knowledge. If no such language, I could be just waste the time watching tv, at last, nothing left......

After friend's wedding, I have more time now, just quite tired. I want to sleep, but couldnt.I am still happy with my situation. But I am feeling myself changing. I am waiting for something that I couldnt get. The feeling is annoying. It is not about marriage, marriage is not difficult, not a must. It is not language, not too difficult, someday I will get it. Maybe it is about time, space, person...  

It is my first time to be bridemaid, everything is new to me.

In HK is mixed up with Chinese and Western style, our wedding is mixed up too, become complicated.

Although I joined the wedding preparation meeting, but still dont understand all the procedure well.

The procedure is:

We have to arrive bride's home at 6:00am.Then, the make up artist will help us setting hair style and having make up. After 2 hr, groom and bestmans will come to bride's home, we will play game. After an hour, groom and bride have to knee down and give tea to 30 guests(their relatives)(bridemaid help to pour and wash cups),the relatives will give her gold bracelets(bridemaid has to keep this for bride). Then, bride should go out to have a walk, that will bring good luck to her(chinese traditional thing).  Then all people go to church, bridemaids become security guards, help to keep guest safe and everything in order.Also, we need to decorate the church. After ceremony, we will go to hotel, preparing for night dinner(hotel has chinese restaruant), chinese style again. We decorate again. And I will be at counter, help guest find their seats, let them sign on guestbooks...Until 11pm will be end.

These few months, I tried somthing that didnt expect before.

1. Slept over

I slept over in my secondary classmate's home twice(2 home). On Mid-Autumn festival, I went to a friend of my friend's home, we celebrated the festival, played card game, chatting. As I am single, most of them was with someone, they wanted to introduce guys to me, and asked me what did I think of some single guys there, and what are my preference. 10 people looked at me and waited my answer. I felt embrassed. Of course, I wanted to make new friends or boyfriend there. But I didnt expect they asked directly. Actually, I am not so in a hurry to have boyfriend or get marry. Because single is good and I get used to single. At that time, I just said, I was not in a hurry. And I dont think it is so easy to tell what my preference is, and I couldnt say if I like any guys there(in front of those guys faces, telling that I dislike or like because......? so impolite) I didnt familiar with most of the people there, hard to say that. About preference, people is complicated, I couldnt say I will be with the guy because he is polite,hardworking,XXX. It is hard to tell, if one day , I meet a guy who is polite and hardworking, but probably, I would not like him. Why? Human is a whole thing, the whole thing is consisting of  a lot of characters.So I kept quiet, hesitating. They said I am so quiet, I need someone who is talkative. I said I didnt agree, as I met some talkative guys, but didnt like. So I like quiet person? No. Some guys I didnt think I would like before, but get along for a period, I have feeling.

My thought change time to time. In the past, I didnt accept guy has more than 1 girl friend. But now I think maybe I could accept.( But for fair reason, I would have more than 1 boyfriend too). Of course, I need to feel that the guy still love me, treat me good. This is just a thinking, maybe if my boyfriend has 2, I will be heartbreaking? I dont know. (If I tell my girlfriend, they will feel I am so strange.) That's why, I couldnt say what is a must. I just will decide when something happening, not before. And of course, I dont like hurting anybody. Still because I think a lot, that's why, even something I think I could do before, but didnt do afterall.   

After meeting, it was late, so I followed my friend to her home, she lived with her family. It made me felt I was back to be teenager. When I studied, I went to her home all the time. After I was moving to another district, I seldom did that.

Last night, had been to a piano and orchestra concert, since I worked all day and joined the concert at night, tired to fell asleep sometimes...The concert was good, all the performers were hong kong people, they are young. One performer had piano solo, who is a talent pianist, he recorded CD when was 11years old,showed on TV, now is 25years old. He said music is his life, because of  music, he found himself. I think he has a satisfaction life.

I had a lot of activities every week, as I believe that time should not be wasted, and learning could create a better life. Now, I learn playing piano,dancing, reading, languages(Japanese,Korean)...But sometimes think that, I just like them, but seldom use, e.g. Japanese, Korean...why should I learn them?I dont know.Should I just focus on one thing, and become professionl? It is hard for me to give up one of them, and hard to make decision.

Today morning,met a  neighbour in front of lift, she was worried about her daughter, as she took public exam, the result was fair, she got 2 offers,but those were not famous universities and departments. The mom asked me if I were her daughter, what would I do? I think a second, and said, I would retake the exam next year, try to use the result to get into a better university, as when you could not decide which offer should be taked, that means you dont like niether of them.

I think, when problem is on the other people, I could make decision quickly...